Where are you, my mirror image? He who lived his life for my hopes and dreams, unknowingly, is now gone. You never knew me. We crossed paths exchanging superficial pleasantries wondering about each others' thoughts, projecting our own upon whom we saw as worthier and, therefore, unattainable. We shrouded ourselves in mystery as if it could render us invulnerable to our reflection. For you were I and I was you and our fates were intertwined; until there was no fate, no destiny and no hope.
I think you sensed my purpose before I ever did. I just went through the motions of my perceived existence, thinking I knew the truth. I believed I knew right from wrong, good from bad, right from left. You taught me that I knew nothing and mercifully enlightened me into a state of confusion, which was far beyond my former state of oblivion. I knew nothing about you, despite all you had told me and you knew all there was to know about me despite my silence.
They put you up on a cross and felt entitled to be loved and forgiven. I sat there watching and doing nothing. I have forsaken you. I am no better. You forgave and gave and I took. I took and so did everyone around me. I was one of many scavengers. I never kept my promises. You had faith in me and I betrayed you for the devil that kept looking on, standing by your side, watching your every move, smothering you, inundating you with self-doubt, tormenting you with guilt: A disease that gnawed your flesh leaving you weary and hopeless. I thought I was doing what was right abandoning you, for I had no right to be with you. We all abandoned you. I want to abandon me, for I can no longer stand myself, but where would I go? Would you ever smile at me again or will God's mercy guard you from the likes of me now that you are in his company?
You hoped I would follow your lead and I couldn't and wouldn't. I was lost and self-absorbed. You attempted to guide me to no avail. All I had to do was to stop resisting. So, I put up one fight after another. You gave me so many opportunities. You were in disbelief that I could have been so foolish. I was! I dug my heels in, relishing in my ignorance. You wanted to save me from myself and from my own regrets, to no avail. A lifetime of chances was not enough to allow for my redemption. I was never worthy of you, your time, your pain, your tears or your smile. Yet you gave them all to me and I knew not what to do with them. I wasted them, and cried in agony having realized my loss.
Here I am: A shell of my former self; feeble and wounded, I carry on with my sordid existence, feeling empty and alone, hoping I may never wake up from the sleep I longed for, ever-so-long.
I think you sensed my purpose before I ever did. I just went through the motions of my perceived existence, thinking I knew the truth. I believed I knew right from wrong, good from bad, right from left. You taught me that I knew nothing and mercifully enlightened me into a state of confusion, which was far beyond my former state of oblivion. I knew nothing about you, despite all you had told me and you knew all there was to know about me despite my silence.
They put you up on a cross and felt entitled to be loved and forgiven. I sat there watching and doing nothing. I have forsaken you. I am no better. You forgave and gave and I took. I took and so did everyone around me. I was one of many scavengers. I never kept my promises. You had faith in me and I betrayed you for the devil that kept looking on, standing by your side, watching your every move, smothering you, inundating you with self-doubt, tormenting you with guilt: A disease that gnawed your flesh leaving you weary and hopeless. I thought I was doing what was right abandoning you, for I had no right to be with you. We all abandoned you. I want to abandon me, for I can no longer stand myself, but where would I go? Would you ever smile at me again or will God's mercy guard you from the likes of me now that you are in his company?
You hoped I would follow your lead and I couldn't and wouldn't. I was lost and self-absorbed. You attempted to guide me to no avail. All I had to do was to stop resisting. So, I put up one fight after another. You gave me so many opportunities. You were in disbelief that I could have been so foolish. I was! I dug my heels in, relishing in my ignorance. You wanted to save me from myself and from my own regrets, to no avail. A lifetime of chances was not enough to allow for my redemption. I was never worthy of you, your time, your pain, your tears or your smile. Yet you gave them all to me and I knew not what to do with them. I wasted them, and cried in agony having realized my loss.
Here I am: A shell of my former self; feeble and wounded, I carry on with my sordid existence, feeling empty and alone, hoping I may never wake up from the sleep I longed for, ever-so-long.
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